


Fallen people

by GabbyWritesStuff



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, ChanSoo - Freeform, EXO - Freeform, Gay ships, LayKris, LuTao, M/M, Sad, Sebaek - Freeform, SuKai - Freeform, Suicide Attempts, Suicide Notes, Suicide mentions, XuiChen, emoexo, kpop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-02-13 00:32:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12971784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GabbyWritesStuff/pseuds/GabbyWritesStuff
Summary: No one lives one day the same, People choose to live their lives, or they choose to die. Six stories of twelve different people live their life’s, or end them.





	1. Aokigahara Forest

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first out of six in this story, my intention of this story isn’t to hurt anyone nor upset anyone. It is to express different stories and how different people live their life’s. 
> 
> I am happy for criticism, comments are always replied too!!!! 
> 
> I hope you like this fanfic, or find it interesting :)

The one way flight from Seoul Incheon to Shizuoka Airport wasn't particularly long or expensive, no bags were needed or carry on luggage. One taxi to the base of Mount Fuji and when the driver asked if he was okay, he lied. Of course he was okay, just going to admire the beauty of the forest was the excuse Sehun used with an artificial smile, even though the small plastic bag which rested by his foot held a rope inside.

And when arriving it was numbing, yet the way the winters air blew against Sehun's pale skin did not stop him walking further into the forest. He had heard many times about this forest which laid at the bottom of Mount Fuji, how it had the supposed power to bring people to their deaths in a stoic way, how countless lives and souls laid at least here. So to Oh Sehun, it only made sense that this place filled with peace and serenity, would be the place where he would die. 

Continuing into the forest, Sehun tried to pinpoint the reason why this hour would probably be his last, what caused him to catch the flight in the first place. Maybe it was the fact that being orphaned at three by parents who couldn't love him more than he loved himself could hurt a little, or maybe because bouncing from house to house till he was eighteen wasn't exactly healthy for his mental health either. Thinking back on his life, Sehun never felt once that there was someone who was there for him, someone who needed him like he wanted. He was not needed after all, a useless spec in the universe that didn't matter. 

And even then, trying to feel like he had a purpose and trying to achieve his dreams by becoming a poet only caused a downfall, drowning in university debts to achieve nothing but a shitty collection of half assed poems that would get him no where but this forest where he was surrounded by nothing except tall and dark trees and a disparage of old and new tape which wound around various trees. 

Sehun wondered aimlessly further inside, passing articles of people's existence on the floor, on trees and ropes hanging from trees. In some of his last moments, love came to mind. If his life didn't turn out the way he did he might have found someone, but he didn't, life didn't change. A life was lead where no one loved Sehun, where love to a seven year old Sehun was the best thing that could happen to him. A love from a parent, a friend, a family, but it never came. But now, to just passing twenty three year old Sehun it was nothing, an empty void. Because love doesn't change anything, it's not some magical thing that makes everything better. It just makes you forget about the bad things, postponing them till inevitably they pile up and become your worst nightmare. Love doesn't work, it never will. Because love doesn't make any sense. 

Coming to a halt, Sehun found the place which he thought was the most beautiful of all. A tree which was thicker than the rest, placed within its own area and trees further away from it compared to the rest of the forest. It seemed untouched, no signs of rope, or tape, no suicide note nor body or bones. This was Sehun's tree, it was destined. The plastic bag rustled breaking the light silence, but it was okay. Sehun's hand took the rope out, dropping the bag on the floor after. The thick rope feeling heavy in his hand until he found a way to tie it round the branch, a way to reach the rope round his neck and not touch the floor.

As the noose came to his skin, he looked before him and felt at peace, the sea of green swallowing him like the rest of the people that came here for the reason he did. No more pain, he thought, no more meaningless living and no more crying himself to sleep anymore. The sky looked beautiful too, like it was presenting its best for Sehun's last sunset, his last moments. A mix of an amazing orange and blue which shouldn't look nice but Sehun found it amazing.

Long eye lashes closed and all stresses and hopes were dropped, He was ready. A small 'thank you' was whispered, maybe Sehun thought it would be his last words. And maybe he was going insane because he swore he heard something reply, opening his eyes to see perhaps something he had made up in his mind. 

Stood before his tree was a small brown haired boy, dressed in mountain boots and a thick coat with a pair of binoculars around his neck, along with his scarf. It was easy to tell the person was cold, his nose was red and as he spoke his words turned into condensed air. As he spoke Sehun wasn't really sure what he was saying, a barrier between Sehun's Korean and the brown haired boy's language which he supposed was Japanese. 

"Korean? Do you speak Korean?", was the first things Sehun understood, being at shock because only seconds ago he had closed his eyes and accepted his fate. 

"I'm Korean", Sehun fretted, the situation turning into something different than he expected. 

"I see", The other hummed from below, "I'm Baekhyun, I'm a nature guard."

Sehun did not reply, not sure exactly on what to say or what to do as he stood still with the rope around his neck. 

"What's your name?", He continued. "You don't need to tell me. I'm on a suicide patrol."

"Sehun", Came out of his mouth, all he could manage was, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry", The voice sounded warm in the sharp coldness, "I just want you to be okay."

"I'm okay", Sehun mumbled, despite the fact that he stood moments away from his death. And him saying this made Baekhyun crack a small smile, not even being able to believe what Sehun has just said. 

"Sehun", The boy's face straightening out. "Why are you up there?"

"I'm not happy", Sehun stated. 

"Is that a good enough reason for you to never leave Aokigahara?", Baekhyun sounded as if he truly cared, not something Sehun had ever heard before. 

"I think so", Sehun's thoughts of life came back into his head and stopped the doubt he was feeling, closing his eyes once more. 

"It's not", Baekhyun's blunt voice opened Sehun's eyes again, and wide. "It's really not."

Sehun did not reply once more, he did not know what to say because all that was in his mind was his final words, thoughts, memories which seemed so bland and meek.

"You must be cold just in that shirt", Baekhyun did not seem to give up or leave him alone. "Why don't you come down and we can get you something to eat to warm you up?"

"I don't want to", Although he sounded childish, he meant what he said. He didn't want to, he wanted Baekhyun to go and stop, he wouldn't change his mind. 

"I have hot chocolate in my backpack", Baekhyun then continued to take off his backpack and take a metal flask out. "I can't give it to you up there."

"I don't want it", Sehun didn't understand how Baekhyun could be so calm, he didn't seemed phased  at all to the situation. 

"Sehun-ah you're being difficult", Baekhyun moved to take the lid off and pour the liquid into it, it so hot that Sehun could see the steam coming off of it. 

"Please- can you just go", Sehun was almost pleading now, the coldness was starting to hurt his skin and the rope round his neck was getting heavier. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that", Baekhyun spoke then blew on the hot chocolate. "I won't leave unless you're coming with me."

"Why do you care so much?", Sehun felt the tears brimming his eyelids as he began to choke on his words. 

"Sehun-ah, I'll tell you my story if you come down", Baekhyun tempted him further. "I care about you, so come down please."

"You don't know me- you can't care."

"I care enough for you to come down", he huffed, "How about you come down now and warm yourself up, and if you still want to choose the path you're leading now you can continue once I leave."

"I just want you to leave me alone", Sehun squeezed his eyes shut again and hoped for silence to follow, the tears falling down his numb cheeks. 

"You know I can't do that", Baekhyun had the audacity to giggle, a small smile etching on his face and it was the most genuine thing he had seen for a while. "So come on, please come down for me."

"For you?", Sehun's bitterness coming out as a sharp laugh, only once though. His grip against the tree was getting looser and to him his final moments were getting closer. As he leant foreword, his eyes laid shut still, not wanting to meet the pleading eyes of this stranger.

"Stop!", Was shouted and Sehun continued moving foreword. "If you really wanted to die you wouldn't of flinched when you first saw me! You wouldn't of hesitated when I asked you to come down and you wouldn't be moving so slowly now if you wanted to die! So stop this Sehun, I have a car and food back at my apartment and we can talk- just please let me help you. 

"I stood in the exact same place as you did, I thought this was my place to die- I thought this tree was my tree. But it wasn't! And people thinking hanging yourself if the painless but it's not. It hurts Sehun, I still have the scar on my neck!"

Sehun's eyes had now opened, stunned and shocked to the point where his body had halted in his position before he could lean any closer to death. His dark, lifeless orbs met Baekhyun's hazel teary eyes, he cared. 

"Come down Sehun", Baekhyun croaked, holding his hand out to the stranger he just met as if he could reach him and save him. "Let's go."

Silence filled the forest, the swaying of the trees which blew in the wind let the dead leafs fall of branches and into the air. The indigo-orange sky fading into a mix of pinks and purples which could've been the most beautiful thing Sehun had ever seen. Lifeless eyes trailed from the sky, to the trees, then down to Baekhyun. His hand held out and his face so pleading that it looked convincing. 

"Sehun, let's go home", On Sehun his voice fell as they say love should. 

"Okay", Sehun's voice was quiet and childlike, one hand lifted from the bark to remove the rope around his neck. A heavy weight lifted from his shoulders, yet those hazel eyes left a heavy gaze on him. The rope was now hanging but nothing attached to it, loosely swinging from one side to the other along with the breeze. Baekhyun's stare continued as he made his way down, and even when Sehun's feet reached the floor Baekhyun stared at him as if he was a ghost. 

"Thank you", Baekhyun smiled, yet his didn't wipe the tears that did not stop falling. "Thank you for being alive."

The walk out of the forest seemed much different to the walk in, rather than reflecting on his own life he thought about Baekhyun. How his hair bounced as he walked the route he said he knew like the back of his hand, and how he did not stop talking about silly little things. The only time Baekhyun stopped talking was when they reached his car, telling Sehun to get into said car and put his seat belt on. And after that, there was only silence, Baekhyun did not speak once but the smile on his face seemed like he had achieved what he wanted. Sehun found him fascinating.

Within a matter of time they arrived outside a small apartment block, only a few stories high and an off white colour but it seemed to fit in with the area well. Baekhyun was the first to get out of the heated car, rushing to Sehun's side to open the door for him and the taller thanking him as he did so. 

"My apartment is only on the second floor, so we won't have to walk too far", Baekhyun assured Sehun as they walked up the stairs inside, Baekhyun rushing up flights easily whereas Sehun trialing behind. Once stood outside apartment eight, Baekhyun brought his keys to the door and opened it as fast as he could, after all he had complained about how cold it was and how he wanted to get Sehun in the warm. 

"Make yourself at home", Baekhyun hummed as he headed through a small and narrow hallway, Sehun taking off his shoes and standing at the entrance. "You can come in Sehun."

Slow steps were taken until Sehun reached a small living area, a old sofa pressed against one wall with a coffee table in front of it, on the left side a petit kitchen stood where Baekhyun was, further down was a door to something Sehun didn't know and on the left was another door. It was small yet cosy, something homelike and personal which Sehun had never experienced before. Small pictures lined against the wall of Baekhyun and other people which Sehun could only assume to be his friends and family, he could only wish for relationships like this. 

Woken from a daze, Sehun's eyes flicked towards Baekhyun who held a tray of a pot, a few bowls and chopsticks. And it was only then when Sehun's stomach ached, reminding him that he had not eaten since the day before. 

"Come sit", Baekhyun gestured to the small table in the centre of the room, "let's eat."

Sehun did as he was told, moving and sitting on the opposite side to Baekhyun. Looking inside the bowl, he wasn't certain on what it was, some sort of noodle which he hadn't seen before as his diet consisted of instant ramen and cheap foods he could buy from take away.

"It's Japanese soba", Baekhyun could probably see the uncertainty on Sehun's face. "It's nice, I promise."

Baekhyun handed a pair of black chopsticks towards him, then continued to say something in Japanese and began to eat. Sehun watched as Baekhyun did so, finding him somewhat odd yet interesting. 

"Sehun-ah please eat", Baekhyun pointed at the food with his own chopsticks, and once again Sehun did as he was told. Picking up a few of the noodle things and putting them into his mouth, he realised how much he missed food which was cooked home made. Not that he had much experience of it but he knew it was the best type, when someone cooks with the intention of bringing joy to someone. He had finished it within a matter of seconds, Baekhyun laughing and passing him another portion and continued to eat his own. 

"Thank you", Sehun mumbled, putting his chopsticks to his lips once more as he continued to eat. 

"No, thank you", Baekhyun smiled, "I thought you weren't going to listen to me and jump, I was really worried I was too late."

Sehun didn't know how to answer, his mouth left ajar as Baekhyun continued eating with his head hung low. 

"Why do you work there?", Was the first thing Sehun asked. 

"When I was seventeen I didn't want to live anymore, I found it hard to do basic things because I wanted nothing more but to not exist anymore. So, I packed my bags and got on a plane here, I thought if people decided to die here it must be pretty. And when I first arrived it was beautiful, I remember wandering and wandering until I found the tree that I found you at today.

"That tree just seemed like the perfect place for me to be last. It made sense in my head so I carried on with what I wanted to do, I had the rope in my hands and tied it up just the same as you did. Except when the rope was round my neck no one was there to talk me out of it, there was only the silence and the sun and me. So I jumped."

Baekhyun paused, hesitating to carry on because it was not something you tell a stranger, yet he trusted Sehun for some reason. 

"And hanging there was painful, I remember thinking as soon as I jumped that I wanted to live. I regretted it instantly. So I screamed and screamed and everything went black. It should've been the end but moments later the nature guard before me found me and helped me, an ambulance came and saved me. And when I woke up I thought I was in heaven because it was all white and peaceful. I started screaming and asking God for another chance to live, because I wanted to try again and I even went as far as to promise I wouldn't be selfish and die."

Baekhyun laughed and dug his chopsticks into the soba, turning them slightly and putting it into his mouth. 

"But I wasn't dead, Was I? I was alive and someone had saved me. I was very thankful, I thanked the paramedics and the doctors and the nurses- and I saved my biggest 'thank you' of all for the nature guard. Without him I would've died and wouldn't of rested peacefully, I would've died with regrets and my last thoughts would've been painful and negative.  I'm reminded every day of attempt though, this scar that runs across my neck, it tells me that I'm alive for a reason."

Sehun took a moment to study the thin scar that laced around the smaller's neck, as if the rope was still there. 

"I told him I would repay him in anyway I could, so when he passed away of old age I took his job into my own hands and tried to protect people that wondered into the forest and hoping to never come out. Sometimes I'm too late and I find people like you and me hanging with expressionless faces from the branches, I find notes and family pictures from people who thought that dying was the only escape. But I do what I can, I help who I can. Even if it's just letting the authorities know I had found another body which needed a name and a story. I do the same route every day round the forest in hope I can save someone, but with you- you were different."

Sehun had stopped eating and was listening to every word Baekhyun had said, so when it was his turn to talk he was caught of guard. "What- I mean how?"

"In my seven years of doing this, you were the first person to go to my tree."

"Oh."

"There's something about that tree, which holds a turning point of my life. So to see you standing there ready to throw everything you have away the same way I did, I just couldn't let you do it", Baekhyun sighed. "You don't need to explain your story to me, or your reasoning for being there, I just want you to promise me you won't reach that low point ever again."

Sehun felt stupid for promising something so silly to a stranger, yet his hand with his pinky finger standing up straight moved across the table towards Baekhyun. "I promise."

Baekhyun smiled and joined his pinky finger to Sehun's, that smile which Sehun found so genuine and warm for someone who didn't even know who he was. 

"You can stay here for as long as you want, but I'm sure there is someone looking for you", Baekhyun did not let go, keeping eye contact with Sehun as he spoke. 

"I'm an orphan, and I've been on my own since I was eighteen, I'm now Twenty three", Sehun ended his sentence with a small and sad smile. "I think you're the first person who has had a conversation with me and meant it since I can remember."

Baekhyun too now had a sad smile written on his face, "You can stay with me until you are ready to leave then."

"Do you normally welcome strangers into your home?", Sehun wanted to laugh, this situation feeling so surreal.

"No, but I told you", Baekhyun took his hand away from Sehun's and continued eating. "You are different, you chose my tree."

From that, they both ate and continued light conversation, nothing too deep and Sehun was sure that this was the warmest his heart had felt in his life. Someone who cared for him, had cooked and spoke to him without wanting anything in return except from him to be happy. As the night went on Sehun found himself smiling more in a minute than he did so far in the years he had lived. Even as Baekhyun sat up the futon for Sehun in the small living room area, he smiled. 

"Thank you Baekhyun", Sehun said once more. "Thank you for caring."

"Thank you for being alive", Baekhyun smiled towards Sehun for the last time that night as he stood at the entrance of his own bedroom, ready to leave Sehun in peace. "Thank you for choosing our tree."

 

-A year later-

 

Sehun and Baekhyun walked hand in hand through the forest once more, but now both were dressed in thick coats and scarfs. Sehun too had became a nature guard, and stayed living with Baekhyun who did not complain at all. Ever since the day they met it was hard to tell if it was a coincidence or fate that had joined them together, but they were happy. 

At first Sehun had found the job hard, but Baekhyun was there for him everyday as they walked through the tangled trees. Sehun had even started to write poetry again, but for a whole different purpose. Baekhyun had suggested to write inspiring and meaningful poems and now as they walked through what used to be a place of death, Sehun's poems could be found stuck to signs, etched into trees and beside places where someone could take their life's. 

After a year of doing this, Sehun too knew the forest like the back of his hand. It was easier to find certain places, like that one area with the small lake and the other place where there's a cluster of trees which make a beautiful canopy, especially when the sun shines through. But, the easiest place for Sehun to find was their tree. Him and Baekhyun find this tree very sacred, a place where they come just to think or to clear their minds. As they both stood their now with their hands linked with gloves which kept their fingers warm, they could only stare at the thick and dark bark which seemed to tower over them.

"Sehun, Do you remember the day I found you here?", Baekhyun asked the question as if he didn't know the answer.

"I do."

"Do you remember the promise you made that day too?", Baekhyun asked again. 

"I do."

"What was it?", Baekhyun turned to the taller and looked up to him. 

"I promised never to be too low again, to the point of where I want to die", Sehun recited Baekhyun's words which were spoken only a year ago. 

"Have you kept your promise?", Baekhyun joint both of their hands together, rubbing Sehun's knuckles with his index finger with small circles. 

"I have, I don't think I will ever will again", Sehun smiled down to Baekhyun, finding Baekhyun something like a guardian angel in some ways. "Thank you for saving me."

"Thank you for being alive", Baekhyun replied as he smiled that genuine rectangle grin like he always did. "Thank you for staying alive."

"You're sappy", Sehun laughed, not something which you would normally hear in the place known as 'The suicide forest', nor something that Sehun used to do at all. But because of Baekhyun, those things had changed. Smiles and laughter was more present in Sehun's life than it ever was before, and even the smallest bit of hope could be found in the forest when Baekhyun was inside of it. 

"I guess I am", Baekhyun giggled only a few times, standing on the balls of his feet to meet his face to Sehun's to press their lips together. Baekhyun's lips felt cold against Sehun's own, but it felt like hope, it felt like home to him.


	2. Apartment Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:
> 
> SUICIDE  
> SUICIDE NOTES
> 
> please do not read if you do not like these topics.

It had been four days since Chanyeol had seen his neighbour Kyungsoo. Normally the shorter would leave his apartment around about ten in the morning to go for coffee, but he had not since Monday. It was now Thursday morning. See, Chanyeol would've knocked to see if he was okay, but they weren't exactly friends, or enemies, just neighbours. Someone who Chanyeol occasionally saw walking through the bleak, plain hallway which they shared with others.

Chanyeol's foot tapped as the clock passed quarter past ten in the morning, waiting to hear the clock of the door unlocking next door to show some sign of Kyungsoo being alive. Maybe he had just gone out of town and Chanyeol didn't even notice, or he was staying round a friends house, Chanyeol hoped anyway. His tea was starting to get cold as his hand tightened round the handle, knuckles turning white, where was he?

Chanyeol was very tempted to knock, oh how his hand ached to meet the wood of Kyungsoo's door and to see the doe-eyes staring back at him. It wasn't that Chanyeol had a crush, nor that he was a stalker of any sort, he just found Kyungsoo to be lonely. Not once had he seem Kyungsoo bring a friend home, or family, or has he heard laughter or conversation coming through the thin walls. And he knew he should hear things like this too, the amount of times he had friends over and the complaints he had gotten were uncountable; the walls were thin, yet Kyungsoo's room always remained silent.

And that's what hurt Chanyeol, what forced him off his grey stool by the counter and out of his apartment, leaving his door ajar as he walked to door seventy three.

"Kyungsoo?", Chanyeol knocked three times, and waited. Nothing happened though, no signs of live and no signs of Kyungsoo in apartment twelve. "Hello?"

Chanyeol knocked another three times, and waited once more. It was only then was when he realised him and Kyungsoo had only spoken once, when they were both stuck in the elevator together for a short moment. The smaller's soft yet low voice asking how Chanyeol's day was and Chanyeol finding some charm to him. Then kyungsoo asked why Chanyeol was holding a Cactus in a pot, and the only embarrassing answer Chanyeol could think of was that his apartment gets lonely when his friends aren’t over, so he needs a friend. Kyungsoo laughed and although Chanyeol was sure he was laughing at him, it was a giggle he happily laughed beside.

Other than that, they were only neighbours, only someone who Chanyeol wish he would be friends with but never found a good enough excuse. Only someone Chanyeol knew to get coffee usually at ten in the morning.

Then, Chanyeol crouched and brought his hand to the post box. The metal being cold made Chanyeol retract his hand for a short moment, but bring it back and lift it up for him to see if he could see him inside. Yes, this sounds stalker-ish and if he was caught it would look extremely weird, but for some reason his instinct acted before him. And then his nose met the smell, the pungent and gone off smell which emerged from the metal box made Chanyeol cough and lean away from it instantly.

"Kyungsoo-ah, it doesn't smell good in there!", Chanyeol couldn't bring himself to go back down and face that smell, he supposed Kyungsoo had left something out and it had gone off. "You should open a window!"

No reply came, disheartening Chanyeol.

"Kyungsoo I-We spoke some time before for a short moment in the elevator, do you remember?", Chanyeol spoke to the door. "You seem like you need someone to talk to, so I am next door if you would like anything. Even if it's a conversation or a friend, or a cup of coffee."

Then, although regretfully, Chanyeol walked away and closed his door. Not even bothering to drink the tea, instead throwing it down the sink and leaving the mug beside it. As he had done for the last few days, he continued as if he had heard the door unlock, as if Kyungsoo's small steps had echoed down the pale hallway and towards the elevator as they always did. Chanyeol brought himself to change and to get ready as if nothing ever happened. His door shut behind him as he left, and too his apartment laid silent.

For another three days, Chanyeol put on the mask of no fears and no worries, but once the landlord had knocked on his door and asked wether he knew of Kyungsoo was in town to pay his rent, he was worried. The landlord had said how he was normally punctual with paying, but he was three days late, and did not give any notice about moving out or leaving. As soon as she left, Chanyeol did too.

"Kyungsoo", Three knocks happened once more. "Yah, you need to pay your rent!"

Door twelve laid silent and inside just as cold. And Chanyeol was tired of it.

"I'm going to call the landlord and ask for a key", Chanyeol's hand laid limply against the door after one more knock came from his knuckles. "And I will come in and check if you're okay, unless you come to the door right now."

There was no point even waiting for a reply, yet Chanyeol counted to twenty in his head, and another twenty, and then another ten just to be safe. It went for too long, and Chanyeol's hand dove into his pocket and took out his phone, calling the number which would reveal Kyungsoo's whereabouts.

"Hi Chanyeol", The woman's voice was soft but concerned. "Is something the matter?"

"Could I have the key to room twelve? I haven't seen Kyungsoo In some time and I just wanted to see if he was okay", Chanyeol was honest.

"I can't give you the key", Chanyeol's heart dropped. "But you can come in with me as I will be going in there."

"Thank you", He hummed, a small smile coming to his face. "I will see you soon?"

"I will knock at your door when I will be going inside", then the phone hung up.

It was a long wait as Chanyeol stood at his apartment door, impatiently tapping his foot on the floor and letting the worst thoughts come to his mind. What's happened if someone kidnapped him? Or if he is in the hospital and no one knew, after all Chanyeol was sure he did not have many close friends and no one would be able to contact him. Maybe, what if, Kyungsoo got hurt and was stuck inside his apartment? God, Chanyeol hoped not.

"Oh, why are you outside Mr. Park?", The landlord asked, keys dangling in her hand as she walked sheepishly in his direction from the elevator.

"I just left now", He lied.

"Oh, okay", She nodded. "Should we go to Mr.Do's room?"

Chanyeol swallowed the build of worry in his mouth which he wasn’t aware of, nodding to the elder woman in response. Keys met a rusted lock and click, it unlocked. Inside Chanyeol’s chest suddenly piled up a feeling of anxiety, or maybe fear. Something did not feel right. The landlord pushed the door with an open palm, and the smell escaped and attacked the hall, hands flying to mouth’s and noses to avoid it.

“Oh God”, The smaller woman mumbled, “Mr. Do has a lot of explaining to do.”

She spoke, yet no reply came from Chanyeol’s lips, Only a nervous laugh emerged because he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know the boy personally to comment.

The woman walked into the room and the taller followed behind. The layout of Kyungsoo’s apartment was similar to his own, except, it felt so impersonal. So empty. If it wasn’t for the smell, maybe Chanyeol would’ve looked round for some sort of evidence that he actually lived here. It was a blank box, and if Chanyeol didn’t know Kyungsoo resided here, he would’ve assumed the place had no owner.

“Mr. Do?”, The landlord called out, walking further inside the empty room, which surely held no memories. She repeated her words, yet none returned. The further they walked into the apartment the more suffocating the foul smell got, and Chanyeol didn’t know what to think.

“Kyungsoo”, Chanyeol tried, “Its me, Chanyeol. We spoke once in the elevator.”

Once again there was no reply, and by this time Chanyeol’s feet had been planted into the floor outside the bedroom door. A letter addressed to ‘The person who finds me’, hung from the door, and suddenly everything made sense when it shouldn’t, everything hit Chanyeol in a pain he had never felt before.

The landlord’s hand met the handle and started to open the door, and Chanyeol decided that this wasn’t something for anyone’s eyes to see.

“Please don’t open the door”, He said as tears brimmed his eyes, “I think we need to call the police.”

His now cold hands passed the letter to the landlord, and once the words were read it fell to the floor as shocked hands cupped the Woman’s mouth, Chanyeol thought that maybe she was trying to hold the sobs in but they still flooded out. A broken dam.

Shaking hands pulled out his phone and called the number of the only people who would know what to do. Chanyeol put the phone to his ear as he assisted the elder to the sofa in the living room, tears still pouring down her sagged skin.

“Hello, What is your emergency?”, A man’s voice spoke across the phone, and Chanyeol realised he had to find a way to reply without choking up.

“I-”, He sighed, taking a breath and starting again. “I think my neighbour has passed away in his bedroom.”

“What is your address?”, The voice sounded more urgent, distinct clicking noises could be heard which distracted Chanyeol for a moment.

“Uh-”, He started once again, then sniffled, barely making out his address as the tears began to fall silently.

“Sir, you will have help in a minute, please stay calm and do your breath to breathe for me”, The man tried to soothe Chanyeol, but he was too far gone.

“I-I could of done something”, He wiped the tears which gathered at his jaw. “I noticed he hadn’t left his apartment and I didn’t do anything- I could’ve helped-”

“You’re helping him now? Aren’t you”, The tapping had stopped, his voice seemed sad but being professional had to come first. “You’ve done your best by reporting it, and he will get all the help he needs. Could you tell me his name?”

“Do Kyungsoo”, He spoke the name and wished he was saying it to the person he spoke of, wished he asked one time to join Kyungsoo for his coffee, or if he wanted to come over for his house to talk. “His name is- was Do Kyungsoo.”

“Help will be on the way sir”, The clicking started again, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

Loss, loss wasn’t the word that could describe the feeling he felt. Maybe something along the lines of regret, or anger, or sadness. Not loss, because there was nothing to lose. Only the one conversation shared on the elevator all that time ago, where he saw the smaller smile with his lips, yet his eyes stayed the same.

Chanyeol hung up the phone, his hand hung loosely by his side as he stared at the door. The note laid flat on the floor in front of it, and he was too scared to see the words which was written inside, Too scared to know the truth.

All he could do was sit down beside the crying landlord, his face motionless until there was knock on the door, and even then he hardly moved besides his head following the officers towards the room. Time seemed to slow down as the men opened the door, the outline of a boy laying on the bed in front of them.

Chanyeol could just see from where he sat on the sofa, and the only way he could described how he felt was as if someone had robbed all the air from inside of him. He couldn’t breathe. If Chanyeol didn’t know the situation, he could’ve thought perhaps Kyungsoo was sleeping as the covers laid over his body. It would’ve made sense as the days have been getting colder. If chanyeol squinted, he could see a small penguin teddy on the floor beside his bed. There were few days Chanyeol forgot to wear his glasses, or put contacts in, and he thanked any god out there that today was one of those days. He didn’t want to remember Kyungsoo like this, but instead, the boy with a rectangular smile and unforgettable full eyes. The boy a head smaller than him which always wore some sort of woollen sweater and a thick coat, even in summer. The boy who left his apartment everyday to get coffee from the indie shop down the road, well, everyday until a week or so ago.

One of the paramedics sat beside him and patted his shoulder, a “Sorry for your loss”, being heard and Chanyeol just wanted to say that he cannot lose something he was too scared to grab ahold of anyway. You cannot lose a person who you never tried to befriend, and just observed from afar. You cannot lose a person when you only tried too late. Too late.

“How did you know Mr. Do?”, The words hit like a slap to the face, Chanyeol tried to collect some words in his head that made sense.

“He was my neighbour, I noticed he hadn’t gone out for his coffee for a few days and”, He paused, probably to think of the right words. “I was worried about him. And now we are here.”

“You did a good job”, The paramedic wrote on the paper, “Your name sir?”

“Chanyeol”, The coward, “Park Chanyeol”, The man who tried too late.

Soon, a stretcher was taken into Kyungsoo’s room, and out came the boy who should’ve walked out on his own two legs several hours ago, days ago. The body of the lifeless boy was carried out and Chanyeol’s eyes slammed shut, he knew Kyungsoo’s body was covered but that was something he didn’t want burned into his memory.

The last paramedic to leave handed Chanyeol the note off of the floor after he had examined it, and Chanyeol could only nod in response. He had sat silence once there was no more tears to cry, both hands planted on either side of the envelope as he did not dare to open it, not yet.

It took days for him to build the courage to read that note addressed to what eventually turned out to be Chanyeol. Glasses were placed on his nose and a tea was balanced on the arm of his chair. Chanyeol didn’t bother to drink it as when he sat down it was quarter to eleven, and now it was twenty four minutes passed three in the morning.

After nudging his glasses which had slipped down his nose, he opened the unsealed envelope and pulled the paper out as if it was the most delicate, priceless thing his hands had ever touched.

 

_‘Dear the person who finds me,_

_I’m glad you found me, but, i’m also very sorry that I caused you trouble. I think I’ve to a point in my life where I can’t fight the feelings I have inside, Or the loneliness that I have always had._

_I don’t have many items, But I would like whoever this is to donate all my furniture and clothes to somewhere that needs it, I’m sure someone needs the things I have._

_I also have a plant which is on the window ceil in my room. My neighbour, who I never caught the name of, told me that he had bought a plant to feel less lonely so I thought I would try, and I tried my best to look after it but It never seemed to flourish. He lives to the right of my apartment, so please give him the plant, I’m sure he could give it more love than i did._

_Thank you for helping me pass over without regret, I know that I will rest in peace, So please don’t think that I will rest uneasily._

_Many thanks,  
Do Kyungsoo.’_

 

Chanyeol let the tears roll down his face, his vision becoming clouded as he lifted the glasses to the top of his head. His hands cupped his face as he let out anything he could which felt like pain. His eyes flicked from side to side as he read the words over and over again, it was now ten to five.

Even though Chanyeol didn’t believe in ghosts, he could feel like Kyungsoo’s memory haunted him. He didn’t mention any family, nor any friends. Just him, the stranger in the elevator that Kyungsoo did not know the name of. The man with the weird plant that only exchanged a few words with him.

Sleep did not greet him that evening, his head hung low as he waited till an appropriate time to knock on the landlords door.

“Oh, Mr. Park!”, She smiled sadly, since the last time they spoke was spent in the coldness of an empty apartment, where four paramedics rushed in to save a life and five bodies left instead. “What can I help you with?”

“I was wondering if I could borrow the key to Kyungsoo’s- I mean, to room twelve”, He did his best to smile back. “The note he left said he wants to donate his things, so I thought I could do that today.”

“Ah, Aren’t you a kind soul”, She said, and Chanyeol thought he could only be the opposite.

The door opened once again, except the smell of Vanilla and Cinnamon laced the whole apartment. “I didn’t want his room to smell like, Well, What it did before, So I added an air freshener a few days back.”

“It’s a nice smell,” Chanyeol said as stood at the door. “Thank you for letting me in.”

“It’s not a problem”, She said as she gave the key over to him . “If you return the key once you’re finished with what you need to do, I can give you some alone time.”

“Thank you”, He hummed softly, watching as she began to walk down the hallway.

“Chanyeol, Darling”, She turned round on her heels to look at him once more. “Did you know Kyungsoo?”

“I was his neighbour”, He smiled as genuinely as he could. “I spoke to him once in the elevator.”

“Ah I see”, She smiled just as artificially back, both unable to label the feeling that stung in their chest because they both were planted in the same position; a stranger. “I hope you’re okay, I hope your heart heals well.”

After one bow, He turned and made his way into the room, Locking the door behind him and closing his eyes for a moment. Chanyeol felt as if he was invading the others space but he supposed that’s what he was here to do in the first place. Instead of looking for a sign of life in the one-bedroom apartment from Kyungsoo, he looked for a sign that he lived.

Chanyeol didn’t notice the boxes which laid around the room last time he visited, they were most likely there but Chanyeol supposed that he didn’t notice them the first time he was in here. On closer inspection, each were labelled with various titles: ‘To Throw Away’, ‘The library’, ‘To Donate’. Chanyeol couldn’t find anything in himself to open any of these, they weren’t his to look at in the first place.

It took him an hour to collect the boxes and place them in the hallway, he thought it would’ve been easier to take the the belongings and memories of Kyungsoo boxed up if he drove them to where the  
smaller wanted them to end up. The room looked just as bare as before it did before he started, except there was less collateral in situation Chanyeol wished had never happened. Books, records and other miscellaneous items were packed away for another person to keep, to love and to read. Chanyeol found a few piles of music sheets which weren’t packed away and decided to keep them for himself, as they were hand written and would be no use anywhere else where.

And it came to the final room which haunted Chanyeol the most, images of a lifeless figure on a bed flicked into his mind as he clicked open the bedroom door. This time, the bed was made and the penguin teddy he noticed was now sat on top of two pillows, one of the few items that was left in the room.

As Kyungsoo said, The taller found the cactus on the window ledge, and Chanyeol wished that Kyungsoo gave himself more credit for the little plant. The cactus had a bright flower growing out from the side, mixes of baby pink and a light peach blended perfectly on each petal, picture perfect.

Chanyeol walked to the window ledge, grabbing ahold on the plant pot and picking it up slowly. He knew deep inside he shouldn’t of, but he approached the bed and held onto the small penguin in his hand, knowing if he left it, the teddy would’ve been thrown away by the next person who moved in.

He left the bedroom door ajar as he left it for the final time, taking the items which he kept into his room, deciding to place the penguin and the teddy on his own window ledge, hoping he too could continue to flourish the plant just like Kyungsoo did.

The music notes were left on Chanyeol’s counter beside his glasses as he loaded the boxes into the car, driving them to where Kyungsoo wanted their new homes to be, or to where their new homes would by found by. It was only at quarter past nine in the evening he finally got home after he had handed the key back to the Landlord, heading straight to bed as he thought he could finally get some sleep because the memories couldn’t haunt him anymore, the guilt couldn’t suffocate him like an overbearing hug.

Before Chanyeol closed his eyes to rest, his eyes gazed at the window ledge which now held a new guest, or two if you counted the penguin. He hoped that Kyungsoo would be okay with where he kept the things he was left. He hoped Kyungsoo would forgive him for not tagging along with him for coffee one time, or inviting him over after their awkward conversation in the elevator.

Chanyeol could only hope, because he knew it was too late to do anything now. Even as he closed his eyes, he prayed to a god he didn’t believe in until that awful day that Kyungsoo would rest as peacefully as he said he would. All he could do was pray that he would not make the same mistake again, not the same mistake he made with the boy from room twelve.


End file.
